Guilt

Some psychologists suggest guilt is an emotional warning sign that most (not all) people learn through normal childhood social development. Its purpose is to let us know when we’ve done something wrong, and to help us develop our behaviour and understand how it affects ourselves and others. It also prompts us to change our behaviour so that we don’t end up making the same mistake twice.
People often experience feelings of guilt and shame after they have been exposed to a significant trauma. “Survivor guilt” is the guilt of surviving when others have been killed. People exposed to traumas such as assault (including sexual assault), bank holdups, and motor vehicle accidents often report that they feel guilty for acting or not acting to prevent or change the outcome. For example, people who have been assaulted often say they should have “fought back”. People witnessing a trauma may also report guilt about not acting or intervening to help.

Part of the trauma experience is how we process the events at the time and after the event. Some people after a trauma experience over-responsibility for causing or exacerbating the event. Others will be critical of their role in the event and thoughts will focus on “should haves”. Often people will experience guilt based on misperceptions, negative self-attributions and hindsight biases. Too often adult survivors of childhood sexual abuse blame themselves for not stopping the abuse, viewing the situation with an adult’s eyes instead of the powerless eyes of a child.

Guilt is a normal human emotion and is important for self reflection. Some psychologists specialising in trauma even suggest that guilt can have a protective mechanism after trauma. If people believe they should have done things differently, this gives them an element of control so they can believe they will be safe from the event occurring again. I shouldn’t have been walking on dusk, so if I don’t do that again I will be safe.

If you can overcome your feelings of guilt and shame somewhat, try to discuss these matters with others and see if your reasons for feeling guilty are really valid. If guilt blocks emotional recovery, especially after a traumatic event, then mental health professionals may assist people in recognizing and addressing the thoughts that are getting in the way.

Tarnya Davis is a clinical psychologist and principal of NewPsych Psychologists. Ph: (02) 4926 5005. www.newpsych.com.au