Being There

New parents hear a lot about bonding and attachment which can generate concerns for them. Caesarean births can cause mothers to worry that they didn’t have the chance to bond, and not breastfeeding can do the same. Our ideas about attachment developed from John Bowlby, who in the 1950s described attachment as a ‘‘lasting psychological connectedness between human beings’’. We believe that attachment need not be just with a mother, but needs to be with one or more loving, protective and consistent care givers and this should occur in the first few years of life. A child can develop good healthy attachments to one or more people, in almost a hierarchy of importance to them. There is a ‘‘circle of security’’ for a child’s optimal attachment. This is where a parent is both a secure base for a child’s development and exploration of the world, as well as a safe haven to return to, offering the child protection, comfort and delight. Attachment provides safety for a child in a frightening world, psychological security and also fosters the capacity for the child to develop ways of relating to others. Interactions with good attachment figures during the early years become the patterns of communication that organise the child’s perceptions, thoughts, feelings and behaviours, particularly at difficult times. Attachment affects a child’s ability to regulate and express emotions as well as recover from stressful situations. Your relationship, love, support and consistency with your child is all important. But attachment doesn’t just happen on one day in an all-or-nothing way. It depends on the quality of the interaction, and is not just the role of one person. Maybe in addition to meeting educational needs we should also consider whether our child-care arrangements consider our children’s attachment needs.

Tarnya Davis is a clinical psychologist and principal of NewPsych Psychologists. 4926 5005. www.newpsych.com.au