Adolescent angst…

Everyone I meet tells me that looking after four kids is a lot easier whilst they are still little. There seems to be a common knowing and solemn nodding as people share their truth of the troubles of the teenage years. Managing emotional crises and the hormone driven mood swings mark a tumultuous time for parents. They struggle with loss of control of their children as well as grief for the loss of the sweet babies they fear they may never see again.

The aim of parent’s job in this time is to help children enter adulthood with the skills they need to become well functioning adults. Interestingly, the recent phenomenon of children staying at home well into adulthood confuses these boundaries, with child-parent relationships blurring into adult-adult relationships with no clear precents for behaviour.

Adolescence is a difficult, painful, self conscious time of change. There is the development of sexuality, exposure to the wider world and stress of fears and expectations about the future. It is important for parents to empathise with their child as well as they can with the challenges of this time.

Parents become particularly fear driven for their children during the period of adolescence. Staying out late, missing school or experimenting with drugs conjure images of drug addicted, homeless, unemployed adults that are incredibly hard for the parent to shake.

Dr Chris Hunt from the University of Queensland suggests that there are five important messages a parent should send to their child during adolescence. “You can go”; meaning we encourage your individuality and development. “We believe in you”; meaning we believe that you will do a fine job at being an adult and we have every confidence in you. “We will miss you”, confirms that despite the distance or change with the future, you will always have a place in the family and there will be no emotional cut-off. “We will cope without you”; meaning we are adults and will take care of ourselves. You don’t need to worry. And finally, “let’s stay in touch”, where the young person and family learns to develop how to come and go from each other in a healthy way.

Adolescence is a difficult and also important time in your relationship with a young person – take good care.

Tarnya Davis is a clinical psychologist and principal of NewPsych Psychologists. Ph: (02) 4926 5005. www.newpsych.com.au